Well, are you? Likely, no. I'm not surprised. Couches are usually pleasant sorts of things, squishy and inviting, places to unwind. But, you know what? There is one couch that is a little scary. It belongs to me (technically), it lives in my basement, and it is chiefly used by the girls to watch movies. Truth comes out now....
I pulled the cushions off said couch yesterday, and. although I should no longer be shocked at what I find there, I was. Again. This is a partial inventory of what I found INSIDE the couch:
-a lunchbox sized cool pack
-a veritable "Who's Who" of the Shrek films--2 or 3 Shreks, a Fairy Godmother, Donkey, the Gingerbread Man, the Three Blind Mice (Ray Charles glasses and canes and all), a donkey-dragon baby, half a castle, some stairs, the milk-blasting cannon, and other assorted tiny accoutrements for Shrek playing.
-3 or 4 pens, pencils, and felt markers.
-2 spoons and a fork
-a pair of pajama bottoms
-a slipper, the mate of which has departed this house long ago.
-Spitz sunflower seed shells
-about a cup and a half on ancient, stale popcorn
-an empty pudding cup
-a gnawed-on crust of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, which had clearly been made the year before God was born
-a dessicated lip gloss
-a balled up scarf containing a unicorn figurine
*and now, the last, and my personal favourite*
-a single, uncooked lasagne noodle
Nice, hey? Geez, girls. You both now are, for the most part, civilised, interesting, trustworthy and entertaining little humans. Between the two of you, you babysit yourselves and others regularly and with aplomb. You present projects with poise in front of your respective classes. You can take a big horse over jumps. You read 5 grade levels ahead. You try out for stuff, and either win or lose with grace. You make cakes from scratch by yourselves. You help fundraise for the family cause, the AIWC. You make me coffee when I am too sick to get out of bed. You do Lee and myself proud. You are amazing little gals. SO WHAT, IN THE NAME OF JESUS MURPHY, IS UP WITH THE COUCH?!?!?!
I have no answers to this question. It makes my head hurt to think of what I've pulled out of there over the years. Seriously. And I know that next time I muster up the balls to pull out the couch cushions, I will, once again, reel back from what is unearthed. Maybe I should just leave it, and let it become some sort of bewildering, archaeological relic for future times.
Lee raged at the girls, too, about the state of the couch, and stated that the dens of wild animals are a cut or two above their couch. He mentioned that leaving piles of food in a lair will only attract predators. He brought it all to a stunning conclusion with the phrase, delivered in a sinister tone, "Consider yourselves PREY, girls..." Hysterics ensued with both of us, and with it, we probably undermined all that we had said. But it was pretty funny. And the couch, having evolved into some sort of slowly pulsing macroorganism, probably laughed, too. Just 'cause it could.
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3 comments:
The lasagne noodle did me in. Perhaps the girls have mistaken the couch for a roadside ditch in New Jersey? The floor of a scary daycare? Maybe they are mini-hoarders?
Lord knows, any of these options could be true. Their room is a screaming shit heap, too....sigh.
And I thought it was only MY children!! ;-)
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