I read today that the original Calendar Girls are coming back for another! For those who mightn't remember, these gals were from a Women's Institute branch somewhere in the hills of Yorkshire who, upon the leukaemia death of a member's husband, decided to pose tastefully naked in a calendar to raise money for a new couch for the cancer ward's lounge area at the local hospital. These cool gals, all 50 or above, went on to raise more cashola than they could ever have imagined, to gain notoriety all over the world, and have their story inspire the film starring Helen Mirren and a stage adaptation of said movie.
Well, they are at it again!! 10 years after the sepia coloured original calendar, replete with strategically placed embroidery frames, iced buns and cider presses, they are doing another calendar, this time in colour, with different sorts of WI type props to shield the rude bits. I just think this is so awesome. These dignified English small town wives and mothers, stalwart WI members who faithfully sing "Jerusalem" at every meeting, and enter their Victoria sponges and cucumbers and needlepoint in the town fetes, throw caution to the wind, and get their collective kit off for the world to see, all in the interests of a charity near and dear to their hearts... Wow.
I only hope that, when I reach more advanced years, that I can be as cool as the Calendar Girls...not that there will likely be any exuse for me to don my birthday suit in the public eye, but just to have that kind of brio! You go, girls!!
Monday, May 11, 2009
Sunday, May 3, 2009
The Unbearable Shortness of Weekends
Seriously. Why is it that weekdays can drag and drag and draaaaaaaaaaag painfully on for about 35 years, and weekends...well, see, it's gone already! Cleo even noticed this this week. She pointed out that it didn't seem fair that one had to spend all these hours at school, and so few hours in the company of one's family. Smart kid.
Who do we have to talk to to get this rectified? My dear friend Barry & I have long harboured plans for a secret world takeover, and a systematic elimination of inferior members of the human race. I'm thinking that, as an adjunct to the wipe-out plans, we need to incorporate some sort of ruling regarding weekends and weekdays. The work week could be shortened to about 2 or 3 days, and the remainder is BLISSFUL, BLISSFUL weekend. What say?
Sunday, bloody Sunday.
Who do we have to talk to to get this rectified? My dear friend Barry & I have long harboured plans for a secret world takeover, and a systematic elimination of inferior members of the human race. I'm thinking that, as an adjunct to the wipe-out plans, we need to incorporate some sort of ruling regarding weekends and weekdays. The work week could be shortened to about 2 or 3 days, and the remainder is BLISSFUL, BLISSFUL weekend. What say?
Sunday, bloody Sunday.
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
It Could Only Happen to Fiona...
So, my much loved Aunt Carmen stayed overnight with me last night. We had a simply lovely night; she is truly one of my favorite people in the whole world. We always laugh about how alike we are , and how these absurd things always seem to happen to us.
Aunt C was on her way to bed last night, as was I. She returned upstairs to tell me that, as she gave a mighty yank to pull off her beautiful old cameo ring, it flew from her grasp, hit the wall, and slipped under the bed. She could see it, especially with her little flashlight, but wasn't quite able to reach it. "Oh goody", say I, eager to show off all the uses for my long, floppy arms & legs. "I bet I can reach it." So down I go, peek under the bed, and there, indeed, is the lovely ring, in a huge dust bunny at the far back of the bed next to the wall. I lie down, and stretch my prodigious arm to its outside limit, but still fell short of the ring. Crestfalllen, I got up off the floor, and Aunt Carmen suggested that I grab a stick or a broom or something. Not to be defeated, I flop back onto the floor, and decide that if I lie on my back, and use my legs, I'd be sure to flick the ring into arm's reach. I shimmy on my back as far as I can go under the bed, and no dice. Like Pooh Bear in Rabbit's hole, I did not heed the obvious, which was that I DID NOT FIT. I shove a little further, and I am momentarity completely stuck. On my back. Half under the bed. Pinned like a bug on a board. Great. Aunt Carmen looks down at me with a bemused expression, and points out the only she and I could find ourselves in this predicament!
With a great deal of wiggling, I extract myself from the underside of the bed frame, resorted to the broom that Aunt C. suggested in the first place, and swiped the ring out and onto a safe place on the dresser.....Episode gives a whole new meaning to the term "bed-ridden", no? I then spent the next 10 minutes pulling massive amounts of fluff and under-bed detritus from my hair, prior to heading off to bed.
Under a bed. Off to bed.
Aunt C was on her way to bed last night, as was I. She returned upstairs to tell me that, as she gave a mighty yank to pull off her beautiful old cameo ring, it flew from her grasp, hit the wall, and slipped under the bed. She could see it, especially with her little flashlight, but wasn't quite able to reach it. "Oh goody", say I, eager to show off all the uses for my long, floppy arms & legs. "I bet I can reach it." So down I go, peek under the bed, and there, indeed, is the lovely ring, in a huge dust bunny at the far back of the bed next to the wall. I lie down, and stretch my prodigious arm to its outside limit, but still fell short of the ring. Crestfalllen, I got up off the floor, and Aunt Carmen suggested that I grab a stick or a broom or something. Not to be defeated, I flop back onto the floor, and decide that if I lie on my back, and use my legs, I'd be sure to flick the ring into arm's reach. I shimmy on my back as far as I can go under the bed, and no dice. Like Pooh Bear in Rabbit's hole, I did not heed the obvious, which was that I DID NOT FIT. I shove a little further, and I am momentarity completely stuck. On my back. Half under the bed. Pinned like a bug on a board. Great. Aunt Carmen looks down at me with a bemused expression, and points out the only she and I could find ourselves in this predicament!
With a great deal of wiggling, I extract myself from the underside of the bed frame, resorted to the broom that Aunt C. suggested in the first place, and swiped the ring out and onto a safe place on the dresser.....Episode gives a whole new meaning to the term "bed-ridden", no? I then spent the next 10 minutes pulling massive amounts of fluff and under-bed detritus from my hair, prior to heading off to bed.
Under a bed. Off to bed.
Monday, April 27, 2009
Death
A beloved friend has just today lost a beloved friend. My heart is breaking for him, because I suffered a similar blow at the beginning of last month. Nothing can ease the shattering sense of loss, but I have always loved this poem, and sometimes it eases the pain a little.
I love you, B.
All Is Well
I love you, B.
All Is Well
Death is nothing at all
I have only slipped away into the next room
I am I and you are you
Whatever we were to each other
That we are still
Call me by my old familiar name
Speak to me in the easy way you always used
Put no difference into your tone
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow
Laugh as we always laughed
At the little jokes we always enjoyed together
Play, smile, think of me, pray for me
Let my name be ever the household word that it always was
Let it be spoken without effort
Without the ghost of a shadow in it
Life means all that it ever meant
It is the same as it ever was
There is absolute unbroken continuity
What is death but a negligible accident?
Why should I be out of mind
Because I am out of sight?
I am waiting for you for an interval
Somewhere very near
Just around the corner
All is well.
Nothing is past; nothing is lost
One brief moment and all will be as it was before
How we shall laugh at the trouble of parting when we meet again!
Canon Henry Scott-Holland, 1847-1918, Canon of St Paul's Cathedral
'The King of Terrors', a sermon on death delivered in St Paul's Cathedral on Whitsunday 1910, while the body of King Edward VII was lying in state at Westminster:
Sunday, April 26, 2009
I'M BACK!!!!
....after a lengthy hiatus, Queen Fee returns to the world of the blog!!!!! ...Just sitting, watching it get dark, snow swirling like a Narnia night, little brown dog curled up beside me... Nothing much tonight, but stay tuned, dear readers, stay tuned...minutiae of my crackly little life to follow!
Thursday, August 14, 2008
A bump (not) on a blog
Yes, that appears to be what I have been of late. A bump, who is nowhere near a blog. Funny how that happens. I blame summer. I always feel very unmotivated, drifitng around, during the summer months. I think that the heat cooks my brain. SO.... in the spirit of a cooked brain and a bump on a blog, today's entry is low on the effort scale. I have copied one of those survey things here, and I am answering the questions. This survey was called "a girly survey", and was quite fun to read, when I received it from someone else. So, any boy readers might be bored, but there you go. It's high time this blog had some more make-up & handbags type content!!
1.)Briefly describe your personal style:
I guess I'd say kind of bohemian/hippie-ish, with a dollop of goth thrown in.
2.) If you had to take only 3 things from your make-up bag to the desert island, what would they be?:
A lipstick, my eyelash curlers and tinted moisturiser with SPF. (might I be able to bring my tweezers, too? Pretty please...)
3.) Fave lipstick colour?: I'd have to say red, in various hues, but I wear all kinds of colours.
4.) Fave nail polish colour?: It's one I mixed myself, and it's the shade of pigeons or mourning doves...kind of silver-grey-beige-mauve. It's awesome.
5.) Fave brand of make-up?: I use all sorts, but I really love MAC.
6.) Fave perfume?: Right now, I'm grooving on "Petal" by Cynthia Rowley. I always love "Sheer Stella" (Stella McCartney) in the summer, but my other ones I always use are Mitsouko, FlowerBomb & Pleasures. There'a also this Indian perfume oil called Sunflower that I adore, and can only find regularly at Zinnia Worldly Notions in Victoria.
7.) Do you like bath products? If so, which ones?: Oh yeah. I love Avon's Lilac bubble bath, and I have these bath salts called Forget-Me-Not, that I found at Winners, and really really like.
8.) Long or short nails?: I've had both, but almost always short.
9.) Do you paint your toenails?: Sure do. Almost always bright colours.
10.) Long hair or short hair?: Short-ish right now, but I have had hair all the way from a few inches long to nearly down to my waist. Hair bores me, so it's rarely the same for a long time.
11.) What's the most expensive thing in your wardrobe?: Goodness, now there's a question. It would have to be my lovely, lovely, cherry red Prada doctor bag. I paid about $20 for it at a garage sale where a guy was exacting rightful vengeance on his vile ex-girlfriend for running off with his friend while he (the guy) battled Parkinson's Disease. He was getting a kick out of selling all her high-end designer stuff for pennies at a yard sale. Woo hoo! I win. It is a splendid bag, and I thrill to it all the time. Use it constantly. Got both my $20 worth, and likely a good portion of the astronomical price Evil Girlfriend paid, too!!
12.) If you had the chance to splash out on a major luxury item, would it be an article of clothing, a bag, shoes or jewellery?: Oh dear...what a choice. Jewellry, I think, but a bag would be a close second.
13.) What jewellery do you wear the most?: Wedding rings, all my silver bangles and my thumb rings never come off.
14.) Fave piece of jewellery?: My wedding rings are right up there. After I lost my wedding band (yes, I am a loser), we found a perfect Edwardian band with bells and flowers that looks amazing with my Edwardian diamond. I love old jewels. I'd have to add a couple of other faves, too. A big, chunky pewter & agate piece my mum made years ago, my beige pearl that my parents brought me from Rarotonga, all my silver bangles.... this list could go on & on, so I'm going to stop now.
15.) Best deal in your wardorbe?: Again, the prada bag would be up there. Also, I scored a beautiful brown velvet coat, with pink and gold embroidery from the Goodwill for about $8. It's an incredible coat and I always get compliments when I wear it.
16.) Have you ever worn false eyelashes?: Have I?! I am the queen of the false eyelash. Love 'em, and I'll bust 'em out every chance I get.
17.) Would you consider a face lift?: Nope.
18.) Do you go for regular beauty treatments?: Beauty treatments, you say?..... No, I guess I do not, save having my hair cut. I do have a nice pedicure now & then.
19.) Shave or wax?: Shave my legs and my pits, DIY wax the old bikini line, and pluck the odd other stray hair.
20.) Are you high or low maintenance, beauty-wise?: In the middle, I'd say. I like to look nice & well-groomed, but I certainly don't spend inordinate amounts of time in front of the mirror or in the esthetics salon, etc.
So now you know more than you ever wanted to about my cosmetical life. It was kind of fun to do, though. If any of you gals want to do it, send it back to me in a real email. Then I will learn all your secrets, too!
1.)Briefly describe your personal style:
I guess I'd say kind of bohemian/hippie-ish, with a dollop of goth thrown in.
2.) If you had to take only 3 things from your make-up bag to the desert island, what would they be?:
A lipstick, my eyelash curlers and tinted moisturiser with SPF. (might I be able to bring my tweezers, too? Pretty please...)
3.) Fave lipstick colour?: I'd have to say red, in various hues, but I wear all kinds of colours.
4.) Fave nail polish colour?: It's one I mixed myself, and it's the shade of pigeons or mourning doves...kind of silver-grey-beige-mauve. It's awesome.
5.) Fave brand of make-up?: I use all sorts, but I really love MAC.
6.) Fave perfume?: Right now, I'm grooving on "Petal" by Cynthia Rowley. I always love "Sheer Stella" (Stella McCartney) in the summer, but my other ones I always use are Mitsouko, FlowerBomb & Pleasures. There'a also this Indian perfume oil called Sunflower that I adore, and can only find regularly at Zinnia Worldly Notions in Victoria.
7.) Do you like bath products? If so, which ones?: Oh yeah. I love Avon's Lilac bubble bath, and I have these bath salts called Forget-Me-Not, that I found at Winners, and really really like.
8.) Long or short nails?: I've had both, but almost always short.
9.) Do you paint your toenails?: Sure do. Almost always bright colours.
10.) Long hair or short hair?: Short-ish right now, but I have had hair all the way from a few inches long to nearly down to my waist. Hair bores me, so it's rarely the same for a long time.
11.) What's the most expensive thing in your wardrobe?: Goodness, now there's a question. It would have to be my lovely, lovely, cherry red Prada doctor bag. I paid about $20 for it at a garage sale where a guy was exacting rightful vengeance on his vile ex-girlfriend for running off with his friend while he (the guy) battled Parkinson's Disease. He was getting a kick out of selling all her high-end designer stuff for pennies at a yard sale. Woo hoo! I win. It is a splendid bag, and I thrill to it all the time. Use it constantly. Got both my $20 worth, and likely a good portion of the astronomical price Evil Girlfriend paid, too!!
12.) If you had the chance to splash out on a major luxury item, would it be an article of clothing, a bag, shoes or jewellery?: Oh dear...what a choice. Jewellry, I think, but a bag would be a close second.
13.) What jewellery do you wear the most?: Wedding rings, all my silver bangles and my thumb rings never come off.
14.) Fave piece of jewellery?: My wedding rings are right up there. After I lost my wedding band (yes, I am a loser), we found a perfect Edwardian band with bells and flowers that looks amazing with my Edwardian diamond. I love old jewels. I'd have to add a couple of other faves, too. A big, chunky pewter & agate piece my mum made years ago, my beige pearl that my parents brought me from Rarotonga, all my silver bangles.... this list could go on & on, so I'm going to stop now.
15.) Best deal in your wardorbe?: Again, the prada bag would be up there. Also, I scored a beautiful brown velvet coat, with pink and gold embroidery from the Goodwill for about $8. It's an incredible coat and I always get compliments when I wear it.
16.) Have you ever worn false eyelashes?: Have I?! I am the queen of the false eyelash. Love 'em, and I'll bust 'em out every chance I get.
17.) Would you consider a face lift?: Nope.
18.) Do you go for regular beauty treatments?: Beauty treatments, you say?..... No, I guess I do not, save having my hair cut. I do have a nice pedicure now & then.
19.) Shave or wax?: Shave my legs and my pits, DIY wax the old bikini line, and pluck the odd other stray hair.
20.) Are you high or low maintenance, beauty-wise?: In the middle, I'd say. I like to look nice & well-groomed, but I certainly don't spend inordinate amounts of time in front of the mirror or in the esthetics salon, etc.
So now you know more than you ever wanted to about my cosmetical life. It was kind of fun to do, though. If any of you gals want to do it, send it back to me in a real email. Then I will learn all your secrets, too!
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Serving Sizes....WTF??
You know what really really pisses me off? (maybe not as much as losing my Trooper blog, but still a lot) Those retarded serving sizes on the back of food packets. I came home from yoga, opened a cider, and decided that the packet of "Crispy Tortillaz" I had in my cupboard were not getting any riper, and cracked 'em. Swig of cider, crispy tortilla, swig of cider, crispy tortilla..... You can sense a pattern here, I am sure. It was going very well, indeed, the cool sweet bubbles of pear cider nicely complimenting the savory, MSG deliciousness of the Santa Fe Ranch crispy tortillaz. I could not help but then notice that I had consumed much of the packet. Did not intend to...just kind of happened. I further could not help but notice that the serving size on the back was *get ready* 8 chips. 8. Yes, you read that correctly. 8.
Fuck. Well, there goes about 500 calories. And these weren't even the real thing, for God's sake. They were the Quaker kind that cruelly misleads one into thinking that they are not half bad to eat. Why don't they blazon the serving size on the front, in realistic terms. For example, "Serving Size: the whole damned bag. Calories: unspeakable." I'd really rather know the whole story, right off the top. I mean, what is the idea of giving a serving size that small? I'd guess to keep the calorie count under 3 digits. But who ever eats only 2 digits worth of Crispy Tortillaz? So give us the dirty, people. Then, if by some miracle of the modern world, we manage NOT to down the whole bag o' crispy tortillaz, we feel pretty good that we have not ingested a person's caloric intake for the entire day. Can you not just let us feel good, snack manufacturers? Can you not?
Fuck. Well, there goes about 500 calories. And these weren't even the real thing, for God's sake. They were the Quaker kind that cruelly misleads one into thinking that they are not half bad to eat. Why don't they blazon the serving size on the front, in realistic terms. For example, "Serving Size: the whole damned bag. Calories: unspeakable." I'd really rather know the whole story, right off the top. I mean, what is the idea of giving a serving size that small? I'd guess to keep the calorie count under 3 digits. But who ever eats only 2 digits worth of Crispy Tortillaz? So give us the dirty, people. Then, if by some miracle of the modern world, we manage NOT to down the whole bag o' crispy tortillaz, we feel pretty good that we have not ingested a person's caloric intake for the entire day. Can you not just let us feel good, snack manufacturers? Can you not?
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